Trying forever

I stretched out my hand and touched only space…

I called out my voice and heard only echoing silence…

I put up a brave face and found only indifference…

& I have been trying forever, just to find one true connection without preconceived notions, misperception, or sketchy connotations…

I glue myself together again every morning… running out of glue, reasons to even bother pretending I am in any way alright

I throw my art, my creations into the cosmos and watch as they all just crash back down as unremarkable as every thing I ever feel, as present as my nonexistent social life, just as memorable as a solitary grain of sand upon a beach… so insignificant to anything at all, yet the only thing somehow real

I wait for any responses but this trying forever

never nets a single return

So I set a match to my foolish dreams, hopes 

and watch contented as they all burn.

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Thank you for wounding me.

perhaps you think that you know how I function

Maybe you believe you know how or what I think.

See here’s the deal lovey, all the time you spend in judging me… would be better spent learning a foreign language, learning how to paint, opening your heart & soul to higher vibrational frequencies… listening when one speaks.

There is no ulterior motive here my friend.

Choose friendship and choose to really know me… or choose judgement without authentication, prejudice without observation and exclusion without explanation. Are you your own self? Do you choose on your own? When you resonate at the highest frequency… there is no space for mistakes.

*song in progress*

and oh it hurts to see your face, in any place in every place

and oh it hurts to hear your name, in any space in every case

and oh it’s always just the same, everytime there’s never change

I am sitting here at home all alone, I’ve got my coffee, got my phone… these are the only things I guess I’m good enough to call my own, call my own

and I could be a fool once more, send another text, a hollow knock on a sealed door 

but what’s the use in fighting for something real or even pure? You’ve shown me all I do means naught to you, I finally know that is true and I can’t care anymore, I can’t care anymore…. there’s nothing left to grasp onto…. & was never something worth fighting for….

so forever I, bid farewell to you, who is locked behind that frozen door

may your isolation keep you happy and your distance keep you warm yeah keep you sound

from one who never intended you harm, only wished a friendship could be found, could be found

and if you hear this song for you, think not of me… think not of me 

just think on all that bliss & joy in which your lonely state has you bound… and no worries lovey I’ll stay away forgotten, never again to come around, never again to be around

Assumptions of indeterminate origin…

Hey you…

I hope you read this

I am an optimistic cynic after all.

I frightened you somehow & truly don’t know why.

I don’t have any ulterior motives, I genuinely just wished to be your friend.

I harbor no ill will lovey, though I am confused and hurt seeking understanding in how I surely gave offense.

Be honest with me if you can be considerate enough to just be real even if it is abrasive raw or utterly condemning… I prefer the cold truth over silence, fabrication & being ignored. I am not judging you I just hope you can explain what happened.

The cynic in me believes this post is pointless because you washed your hands of me, the optimist hopes you will at least have the decency to respond.

Light & Laughter to you AKC, I never intended any harm or offense and wish you only the best.