In sickness and in bleh….

So once again allergies have done me in…. stoopid sinus infections…. I hate it so much especially since I love the springtime and all the new growing things that pop up…. life is just so fucking brave to return after all the devastation of the winter. *sigh*

Breathing the notes in…

There is no doubt… the clearest message is the one never sent. So I breath in the music as a way to console my soul to yet another crushing disappointment. After all of this change and turmoil I am finished putting any faith in anybody. When I ask for help which is almost never and only one friend truly helps me…. yes this deadens me inside. When my words mean nothing to others…. it crushes the optimism I have left and I am desolate… There is nothing that matters any more, and I am done waiting for others.

Release.

How aptly appropriate and strangely funny all and once.

Should I continue in this state of contrived expectation?

Reality makes a point.

The point is always barbed even when

the shafts are invisible.

Keep believing

hoping something new

will happen or change.

no.

you broke

the hands

and now the clock

will keep no time for you…

silly

fool.

…..

I think I am starting to go a lil mad in the head. All too often I am the naive and guillible one.I  feel though that I am starting to lose my sense of balance between compassionate consideration and patience. I am definitely losing something here and all my efforts to push this away are for naught.

Running rivers.

I have a problem. I can’t stop thinking about her. As hard as I try not to, it seems I finish every single thought wondering about her and how next I can see her or talk to her… feeling like she’s a made up piece of my imagination, that I somehow conjured her into existence when the  loneliness of my self-imposed isolation cracked my psyche.  If I weren’t so stressed out it wouldn’t get to me nearly this much, but I fantasize every night it seems. She’s even started to seep into my dreams. Oh heavens above please put me out of my misery. 😛

Drowning….

I’ve had this peculiar notion since I was a wee girl…… I’ve always thought that humans could breath underwater…. if we only remembered how we did it once long ago. Stranger in a Strange Land kinda touches about this notion…. we evolved at some point in the water and technically that information still exists inside us…. I think if we can change our consciousness, we can access that info in our DNA.