Guiding light

I’m kneeling on the dirty floor
saying prayers for some guidance
like a straight chip kick shot
to my gut, your words
eviscerate my belief
that you are safe
if this was your intention
hey man, nice shot
I will look up and forward
never again and will be
sure to sew the pleas
away from your consideration .



I’m not what
I thought I was
and also not
what I had
become… tripped & fell
into a wishing well
dropped so far
into the deep
sunshine is just
a memory.
Like the dappled
light upon your
skin, the leafy shadows
gray and thin
& your laugh of
wild abandon,
they are all
so distant now,
save the echo of
your slightly trembling
voice as you reached
lightning quick
“Now, you know
how much I love you,
I just killed the spider
that was on you.”
& yes it was a truth
for I understood
how great a courage
that required of
you considering your
prior arachnid issue
yet it shocked me
slightly, your pacific
nature does not lend
itself to the notion
of destruction
to my reckoning
and yet
fear & loathing can
make us all
conquerors while
lust & desire
will turn us
into devourers.
So I waste the little
free time I get
looking at horoscopes
& tarot cards
asking the magic 8 ball
of love
pointless, useless questions
as if such tools
can offer the soundest advice.
In the bottom
of the darkness
the waters are no
longer chill or I
perhaps just no longer feel
such burdens as once before
floating trapped in
the font of night
alone, forgotten
& lacking both the will & sight
to drag myself up and over
into the judging light.
Surely you see, that it
cannot matter
the time or place
my heart shall shatter
again & again
into infinite slivers
which maybe someday
will pierce someone else’s
loneliness and find nurture
without me
for my wishes
are only foolish folly.
Cast me away like a bad penny
don’t let my copper
color you green
wish with all your heart
for my sake
for me to sink & never again
to dream…
of a love I can partake
of a world in which I can have a part
of a life worth feeling everything.

Analogies: Machines & Memories

Though I may bleed it can’t be real
surely somehow I would feel each gash
inflicted into my rusty steel
or the mangled cogs of my wishing wheel.
But inside I have no core
only a rotten mushy mess
such lack of structure
should impress those
whose law is selfishness
and have no sins to confess.
I superglued the millions bits
that once must’ve been my heart
and although  I vainly search for it
cannot seem to find the part
which reads “Cease to love,
press re-start”.
Please condemn the ghost
who is lost in my machine
she struggles still to cherish
a long dead and foolish dream
that she will say I love you
and you’ll know
what I mean.

Cultivated Intention

You said that I
am not manipulative
I immediately replied
that I am indeed.
I nurture the intention
that you shall read
these words,
envisioning your reactions
as your eyes come
softly unfocused…
the reality candidly
laid bare for you to see.
In my vision
I watch you purse your lips
torn between smiling
and frowning,
whether to admit
if only to yourself
that you have in fact
been aware
for some while
the weight of my gaze.
I know you’ve paid
careful notice
to the deliberance
of words and phrases
I use to speak with you,
the innuendos “innocently”
slipped into the conversation.
I’ve watched your smile at
those times, it’s secret and
delighted, both by my wit
and the implications
behind the words I used.
I intend the most reverent
contemplation of
your self
I see us firmly intertwined
in a myriad of manners
and I can see you happy,
glowing inspiration and
I want to help you
be you again and live it
in whatever capacity YOU
desire of me,
but I need you
to just acknowledge
that you do know
exactly how and what
I feel for you.