Analogy of a bridge

Two friendly neighbors decide to build a bridge…
To span the raging river between them…
Both sides liked each other both promised to commit to build the bridge…
To span the raging river between them…
The neighbor in the east began gathering rocks and timber
The neighbor in the west gathered sand, shale and limestone
On the east, the bridge quickly formed, all the supports and structures
Carefully and lovingly placed, their alignment perfect and true
On the west, the neighbor couldn’t  seem to build well…
The supports kept sliding because  the foundation was weak and shifting…
The sand kept sliding, the limestone crumbled…
The neighbor to the east had completed her side as far as she could, halfway through the dangerous river…
She called to her neighbor…told him she’d  somehow make it across to help him
She was clever and determined…
She made it across and immediately started gathering the right materials…
But before she started work…he asked her to cook him a lovely meal…
She did so even though she was eager to finish the bridge. ..
Thinking the energy would vitalize them both to finish the bridge
Instead as soon as they were done, he said he needed a nap…
So she worked the entire afternoon…
And finished his side almost to hers
When he awoke, he asked her to make dinner
And again she did so, though all she longed to do was finish the bridge
By the time dinner  was done
The light was all gone and  she had to cross over to her side
She was determined  to finish the bridge the next morning
However when she awoke…
She saw with dismay a great number of the wood support beams and planks had been ripped away….
She ran to her edge of the bridge and asked her neighbor what had happened
He said he needed firewood for the night and had ripped the wood to use.
She cried out “How are we to build this bridge if all day you do nothing and then destroy all my careful work?”
To which he replied…
I have no need of your bridge, you will always come across when I need you
And provide me everything I need in your loving, selfless tireless work.
And even though you want this bridge built…
My needs will always supersede your wants.
And maybe someday…
I’ll come visit  you on your side
But I shan’t stay long
And you will always have to carry me over.
And you will because it’s  your bridge, not ours and not mine.
And  everyday… I see her building
And every day some of that building is casually ripped away
And she still carries him.
When will you stop building my dear?

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Poison your pools

I see an oasis of wonder in your eyes the forging of your metal painted the desert of your former life, where every drop of rain and love you collected with exact meticulous determination for your garden, Space of Love. Sweating in silence and bleeding  the same while those you loved tore their worship from your offered yielding straining flesh. I see an oasis of beauty in your eyes especially when they flash with the storm of righteous anger and I  wonder… have you put poison in one of your pools? The better to protect such sanctity from those who wander in uninvited? How deep and pure your waters run!

Green Her eyes do be

Oh the sorrow of that child
Deeper than any sea
Is the truest blueprint of
How green her eyes do be

Fairy princess born to suffer
Giving always too much
of her soul
Invisible almost always to those others
Whom she gifts her entire whole

Tricolored iris in a somber face
Cognizant of things oft unseen
Blue, brown, green coincide
In the gaze of this Virgo queen

But sorrow deep, vast agony
Fade away these other hues
Bleed the depth of color also
Pale green is the quickest clue

The Fae queen has broken something
Buried inside, sharp & keen
When her soul is surely weeping
Is when her eyes do be green

Oubliette

Why has it taken years to see
you will always have better reasons
to never spend your time with me
and perhaps only one reason
would ever cause in you
an urgency…
(if I should marry the restless sea)
so why does it even matter to you
when I speak of the potential
of disease, of cancer?
How little now you think of me
why should the physicality
of my obvious decay
make it different in any way,
your gift of indifference, your apathy?
I hope I do.
Become consumed by cells
that refuse to die
that they eat away this foolish
heart of mine, and the love
that refuses to die.
It will be nice to finally join
again, a higher vibrational
frequency, where the immaterial
paints how illusionary this
existence is.
And once upon a time…
you thought you’d had a prince
he kept you well indeed
until he had made certain
he was everything you would need
and with the tools of love
you gave him
he created newer ways to bleed
& still you stayed
until the day you realized
he would never let you leave… alive.
And so you ran
but it wasn’t far enough away
and he came again to “love” on you
and you were nearly killed that day.
He went back to prison
but not to rot forever.
You took the lesson of his “love”
moved on as you could…
but it’s ironic that you don’t see
you moved into the oubliette
of your own crafting
trading being physically tortured
to being abused emotionally
& accepting it
because it’s so easy to make excuses for the ones we love when we need that love to survive.
I don’t need your love to survive,
all I wanted was acknowledgement
that I too have the right to feel
to be, that I sometimes am alive.
I don’t feel I belong amongst the living,
especially considering how
infrequently I am regarded.
I see you in the prison you will never want to leave because its form
fits your skin more closely
than any clothes,
how could it not
when yours are the hands that
built it?
I see you trade one brand of agony the kind that leaves scars and headstones, for a sicker one…
the kind that leaves years of emptiness & multiple heartaches.
I see your pain & you will never let me touch it never mind speak of it.
I will never be to you
whatever it is the word friend means
I am always the afterthought,
the last pick for either side
no one wants me
who can avoid the necessity.
So please,
should I perchance die of cancer
cry your crocodile tears for some other, you who couldn’t be bothered
to share your time with me,
I don’t want the water when you’re crying for yourself, all I wanted was the gift of your presence…. & you have no right to claim any sorrow;
you obviously are not
troubled now
by my absence.