You broke my heart…
because you moved away. And I, naive believed we’d stay
thick as thieves, the night & day.
I longed for you, could never say,
how much it hurt with you so far away, thought it a simple piece of fate, to know your worth, years too late.
I searched for you for 2 years, in records, pictures, in utter fear… I didn’t know if you were alive, wondered if you had survived the darkness which last I knew had haunted you.
Max, it’s been over 20 years since last I saw your face. But though so much has changed for us both, I feel you are still the one I knew and I am as well. I have always believed in you, I have always loved you. I knew you would achieve all that you set your heart to and I send you nothing but light & laughter my friend.
Pathos and pain, the greatest tools of the poet and occasional tools of the painter.Yet though it might offer comfort to formulate a verbal or visual representation of my thoughts and feelings, how can I not believe I’m just sounding into the void, the emptiness separating everyone from everything?
When you give your friends the key, the means of hurting you the worst and they run to do that very thing, how dare anyone judge my skepticism or question my cynicism in regards to the true motivation and intentions of the people I most frequently speak with? When the one person I wish with all my heart would read this, would even let me say it aloud, when this person has entirely cut, culled and killed me from their life without explanation, apology or even the merest hint of regret, how can I ever have any sort of faith in a true friendship again? How can I even believe I meant anything at all to this person who I called my friend?
At times when I was at my lowest darkest point I used to wonder if anyone would even miss my presence if I was suddenly gone because it seemed like I was already invisible unless someone needed something of me. I don’t have to wonder if you’ll ever miss me, I am as good as dead in your eyes and you didn’t skip a beat. I just wish you someday can understand how callously you fractured my trust, & my heart without having even the decency to give a damn.
I told C, that I hope you never see me again, I was angry and hurting when I said it but guess what? It’s true. I wish you love and all the best but I hope you never do see me again because it’s obvious now I mean nothing to you at all.