and I was waiting in the desert
waiting weeks on end, parched & burned & delirious… waiting for the whisper of a maybe that the rains would come again
waiting without feeling the gravity of earth… from dune to dune staggering yet somehow kept aloft in the quest of someday maybe
knowing all I was worth
and the desert, well she is lonely too, shunned save for her creatures & the foolish few who dare to come in waiting for the questions they had mumbled in their hearts, in their beds… to somehow find the answers which were always in their heads…
the desert weeps with them, those whose eyes would cry bloody tears if not for their constant dehydration in waiting so many years…
And I was waiting in the desert but dreaming of the snow & how once upon a blizzard I laid down to softly let it go, listening to my music, my back against a tree, wanting nothing more than the cold to come & swallow me, numb my mind to quiet, my limbs to lethargy & let the music lullaby my being until I finally could just cease.
But a man & his dog…
and I strangely in reflection found myself ashamed
That I almost slipped away because of all my pain… without saying I love you or goodbye to those I know would have grieved because nothing meant as much in those moments as the pain I would finally get to leave.
So I dreamed out in the desert of ice & snow
of letting go… of simple circumstances changing all the chances, of recognizing doomed romances, of all those someday maybe “happy dances” that sorrow, fear or pain enhances in the desert where one can choose to wait… or maybe someday actually embrace their fate.